I'll See You Soon

Pumatak na naman ang luha ng baklang maton.

A few weeks ago, I posted a shoutout on my Facebook account asking for blood donations for a friend who has cancer. Kailangan nya ng blood platelets, RBC at WBC kasi bumababa ang supply nya ng dugo. She needed 5 sessions ng chemotherapy, isang session pa lang bumaba na agad blood count nya. To sustain her life, maraming kaibigan ang pumila sa PGH at nag-donate ng dugo. I was able to get two blood cards from redcross. Pero siguro ang mas naibigay ko sa kanya, napatawa ko sha ng bonggang bongga nung dinalaw ko sha sa hospital, at sa tuwing magkakasama kaming tropa.

Last night, I attended her funeral.

Ayla Fabregas-Ferdiz, June 29, 1983-October 29, 2009. 26 years old. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. Karaniwan sa mga eulogies sa ganito magsisimula. Bakit kaming magkakatropa pag nagkukwentuhan, walang flow, walang structure, walang intro at ending. We simply remember. We remember Ayla.

Nung 2nd year college, iba-iba pa kami ng tropa. I was with Noel, Bebang and Ilet. Ayla was with Arnold. Wala shang tropa kundi ang boyfriend nya. Eventually sumama na rin sha sa grupo nina Chris, Ann, Divine at Dhei. Nadagdagan pa nina Leeann at Jane. Sumama na rin ang mga nomads na sina TJ at Jhong. Hanggang sa wala ng distinction kung sino ba ang barkada nino. Kung sino ba ang tropa nino. Basta magkakatropa kami. Hindi kami barkada.

Tropa.

Pero hindi kami close. We didn't have a particular friendship, na kaming dalawa eh magkikita at mamamasyal. Feeling ko nga nung una ayaw nya sa kin kasi super opposite kami ni Ayla. Kung gano ko kagaslaw, ganun naman sha ka-prim and proper. I remember our PE class kasi sha yung dance partner ko. Hinahagis-hagis ko pa sha habang sumasayaw. Kung pwede lang na makipagpalit sha ng partner, malamang ginawa nya.

And then, Anikka came into our lives.

Ayla got pregnant. Aba, diyata't me similarity din pala kami ng lola mo. Nope, di ako teenage mom. Pero given an ovary, malamang dati pa kong inahin. When we found out na jontis na si Ayla, andami ng nagbago. She gave birth nung birthday ni bowa -- si Arnold. Shempre sa binyag lahat kami ninang. Ay, yung isang borboli pala, si Madam, ninong. I guess yun ang naging start ng pagiging magkaibigan talaga namin ni Ayla, and shempre ng bowa-turned-husband na si Arnold.

She had to skip a year para alagaan si Anikka. Nauna kami makatapos ng college pero yung bonding ng tropa tuloy pa rin. Everytime we gather, usually sa bahay nina Ann sa Alfonso, Cavite, bitbit na ata nina Ayla at Arnold ang bahay nila. Before Dhei went to Dubai, nag-swimming pa kaming tropa (except one makating sister na nasa Boracay). Di ko kinaya, kasi me dala silang lutuan, kawali, syanse and everything! Swimming pa lang yun ha. Sobrang saya ng swimming na yun. Sobrang lungkot din ng kasunod.

We found out about her illness. Yung pananakit ng tuhod, cancer na pala. Syet na cancer yan. She underwent treatment, chemotherapy, and endless consultations. Her right leg was amputated to stop the cancer cells from spreading. She lost weight, she lost her hair, but she never lost her faith. All the while that she was enduring the sickness, her strength came from God.

Ironic. Sa tropa namin, sa kanya kami kumukuha ng lakas. Arnold was with her every painful step of the way. Kaming mga walang sakit, kami ang mas mahina. Ayla was her usual self -- masayahin, bungisngis, kind-hearted, prayerful, strong. "Laban lang," she usually said and she did. Lumaban talaga sha and she won. Or we thought she won.

For almost a year, she was doing good. After the treatment, they declared her cancer-free and we couldn't be happier for her. She went back to work, nakasama na uli namin sha sa Alfonso, ganun pa rin siya, parang walang pinagdaanan na mabigat na sakit.

Last March, nag-swimming kami uli and that night was the most unforgetable night for us. Sa gitna ng matador at potato chips, napag-usapan namin ang sakit ni Ayla. Siguro it was too much for Arnold, kasi that was the first time that he broke down in tears. Yung lahat ng sakit na naramdaman nya for his wife, yung lahat ng takot nya sa pwedeng mangyari, yung lahat ng pagmamahal na nasa puso nya for Ayla, sinabi nya that night.

We all cried. Ngumalngal talaga ko ng todo todo. I hugged Ayla, saying sorry for not being strong enough. Tuwing magdadrama kami, Ayla just says "Tama na yan, ano ka ba, ok lang ako. Wag ka ng umiyak, naiiyak rin tuloy ako." And she would give me her trademark smile.

August 2009, she was scheduled for her prostethics. Nasa PGH sha having her therapy para sa artificial leg na ikakabit, and they learned the shocking and painful truth. The cancer cells were back, and this time kalat na sa katawan nya. Nag-stay sha sa hospital for another set of chemotherapy.

Dinalaw ko sha sa PGH nung October 11. Di pa nga oras ng dalaw yun eh, nagpalusot lang ako sa guard kaya ako nakapasok. As usual, Ayla made it look like she was doing okay. Di namin alam, even yung paglapat ng kumot sa katawan nya masakit. She was in pain. Pero nung niyakap ko sha before ako umuwi, I can never forget what she said.

"I love you friend."

Umiiyak na sha nun, pero I told her not to cry kasi mahihirapan lang sha. Dinaan ko sa biro at patawa. After I left her room, dun bumuhos ng husto ang luha ko sa chapel. For someone so sweet, kind and caring, bakit si Ayla pa? Cliche, pero andaming masamang tao sa mundo, bakit hindi sila? Bakit hindi ako? I don't understand why, and perhaps I never will.

After more than a week, she went home. And last Thursday, binawi na sa min si Ayla. The day she died, di raw sha mapakali. She said "Bakit ganun, wala akong makita. Tanggalin nyo na tong unan sa likod ko." She closed her eyes, and she breathed her last.

The night I saw her in her wedding dress, she was as beautiful as she was nung college. There was a hint of her trademark smile on her face. And she's at peace. She's gone now, but still she is our pillar of strength. She prepared us well.

Sa susunod na lakad ng tropa, sana kumpleto kami uli. Sa swimming, sa Alfonso, sa inuman, sa mga get-together, sa SM Bacoor, sa Molino, sa bahay nila Jhong at Ann, sa Hardin ng Postema, sa Cavite. I'm sure kasama namin si Ayla, natatawa sa mga kalokohan, umiiling sa mga kagaguhan, umaawat sa mga todong inuman (lalo na kay Ann), gumagabay san man ang venue ng susunod na lakad ng tropa.

Nauna man si Ayla, she will be with us until we, too, breathe our last.